Would you step into the ring with this guy?

"Boxer who killed man in bar fight to make debut" is one hell of a headline. The story is just as riveting: "Cook got into a fight with Stephen Lake outside a LaPorte bar on May 20, 2001, and 'one good punch' snapped Lake's neck, said attorney Kim DeWitt, who prosecuted the case."

Since the article is a week-old -- and at that time an opponent had not been named -- I'm not sure if this is the same guy. If so, hats off to you, Mr Mark Long. Just imagining that "hard right to the jaw" makes me kinda sick.

This is not Marty Turco's fault

Last night as I watched the Stars game, I could almost swear I saw thought-bubbles over the heads of each Dallas player. And inside all the bubbles was a picture of a golf course.

Why I hate Josh Lewin: 3

(The third in a continuing series wherein I examine my very hostile, very uncharitable feelings for the overly chatty Texas Rangers TV announcer.)

Once baseball season starts up, Saturdays take on a special significance for me. It's on these days that Josh Lewin leaves the Rangers broadcast booth for the Fox national game, taking his AM-deejay brand of humor to the network level where they evidently love that kind of thing. And I rejoice. Texas almost always plays at night. This means that the beaten-into-quiet-submission second announcer Tom Grieve partners with someone else for the Rangers Saturday telecast and the result is always startling. Grieve becomes animated -- almost sassy! Freed from his usual role of courtesy-laugher for Lewin's carefully rehearsed pop culture riffs and go-nowhere jokes, Grieve can make actual game-related observations that indeed keep things interesting.

But this was not the case yesterday. The Texas-Seattle game was a Fox broadcast so the play-by-play guy was: Josh Lewin. With Eric Karros. I didn't make it past inning 2.

Because you ruined Saturday baseball for me yesterday -- I hate you Josh Lewin!

Ron Washington: from idiot to genius in 3 short days

It's pretty sweet to win at home. Is it enough to shut up the Sammy haters?

Here's some advice

If you begin a baseball article with an anecdote that's already been told about thirty gazillion times, do not expect to hold your reader's interest. Hell's bells Murray Chass. Put down the 1945 joke book and tell us again why present-day baseball coverage is so evil.

To the 14 people who were tailgaiting at 9am today

First I commend you for knowing that it's the smart fan who parks closest to the highway, not closest to the ballpark.

Second I salute your joyful commitment, a truly remarkable thing to behold in Arlington, Texas -- even on Opening Day.

Revisiting The Cause

Let us now turn to page 202 of our Royal Reds text (copyright 1977, Pressco Inc.) and read:

"Pedro Borbon shocked everyone in Riverfront Stadium (including his catcher, Johnny Bench) one day in June of 1976 when he delivered a most unusual pitch...it was kind of a combination 'slip' and 'hesitation' pitch...Borbon wound up in his normal fashion and then paused briefly before releasing a tantalizing change-up...'With Pedro, you call for a pitch and then you just hope,' Bench commented after the game."

This is indeed a powerful lesson. I have sometimes felt everyone around me could use a good shocking but was never certain how best to administer it. Now it seems so simple: wind up, hesitate, fire. From crucial new-business presentations to meeting tight deadlines to everyday conversation, this is an excellent way to keep everyone alert. So as a new season begins, I pause once more to honor this angry, self-assured genius whose very career now stands as proof that -- day in, day out -- an artist must follow his heart no matter what pitch is called for.

Rangers Season Preview In a Nutshell

Opening Day leadoff hitter is 40 years old.

We are so fucked.

Charlie Hough's tips for enjoying Opening Day

1. Wear a collared shirt. Don't you punk kids know how to dress?

2. Invite Geno Petralli over to watch the games with you. But don't even think about phoning that chicken-shit Mike Stanley.

3. If there are no cameras, go ahead and smoke.